last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
