Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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