her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.