She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"