On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
