i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
