its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
