You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
whose ass print is on the piano?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
