im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i will never coherently bang her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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