I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize