I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
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You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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