flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A bitchslap is in order.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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