I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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