i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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