I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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