i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize