so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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