I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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