I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"