Is that why you're texting me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again