Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
