then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
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Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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