she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
