Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
