She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize