In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
