It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize