last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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