I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
