Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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