as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
