The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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