Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
