I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
