Tell her she can't have a vagina
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize