You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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