So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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