Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize