i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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