also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The power of my boobs compel you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
