We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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