We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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