Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
