Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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