tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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