then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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