This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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