Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible