they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning