Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You pole danced in your parka.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
