Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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