I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize