just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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