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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser

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• (512): View more from Texas

  You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.

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• (914): View more from New York

  There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Well that would explain the bones in my purse.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right

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